I went to the supermarket this evening to pick up some fixings with which to create a plate of mega-nachos to go with game 6 of the NBA Finals tonight. As I returned, sitting on top of my mailbox was a glossy postcard ad for the Bed Bug King.
The "king" promises rapid results, guaranteed, and, as an added bonus, he apparently speaks Spanish and Russian.
What most impressed me about the ad wasn't the way-too-graphic thumbnail photos of bedbug infestations but his abbreviated business name: b2k. That sounds like shorthand for the bedbug apocalypse. Judging from the stories I've heard, that just might be coming. It's a good thing I've got this card.
Bed Bug Dr. Egon Spengler: I'm worried, Ray. All my readings point to something big on the horizon.
Bed Bug Winston Zeddemore: What do you mean, big?
Bed Bug Dr. Egon Spengler: Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of bed bug activity in the New York area. Based on this morning's reading, it would be a Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.
Bed Bug Winston Zeddemore: That's a big Twinkie.
Mmmm.... twinkies...
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